Anyway, the golden shower grrrl who was proud of managing to piss on one guy 3 times in a 45 minute session (he paid extra, he was a fun regular client who had a great sense of humour, and he wanted to video the event but was having technical difficulties) was today stuck in the toilets at my non-sex work job waiting for two seven year olds (one of their mum's works on the same floor) to leave so I could do what I was there to do. So I can piss in the mouth of a 50 year old male stranger, but not in a cubical next to two chattering little girls?
I think I was swept into a seven year old state myself, and full of the mortification that comes with any bodily function at that age, and as a femme, I think that horror of being an unpolished flesh puppet full of physical reations that you don't have complete control over is still very close to the surface. Thank the Goddess for guiding me towards my whorish path - without that glorious earthiness, and regular reality checks, I'd be a mess of neurosis!
Different people have different conceptions of the divine - to me the Universe (made up of Goddess, God, the Divine Hermaphrodite and others) primarily has a sense of humour. Every time I make a definitive statement about myself, I find the opposite occuring. Beautifully humbling; however it makes me live in fear that I'll turn around and start having lots of free sex with bio boys.
Maybe it's all that reading about the trickster deities of various 'tribal' religions. Or maybe the Divine exhibits all the qualities towards us each as individuals that we expect. So those Christians that believe in an awesome fearful God get what they ordered;and a pagan whore with a sense of humour that gets me in trouble experiences a group of deities that jerk the rug out from under me in order to keep me from getting too comfortable.
I like it my way - as a queer person, I want to embrace destablisation with pleasure.